Can You Handle Being Friends With Benefits?

The idea of friends with benefits is so alluring. If done right, you manage to get all the perks with none of the disadvantages of having a relationship. In truth, however, some people cocoon themselves in this type of relationship because it creates the illusion of safety. Since your expectations for your “friend” are much lower, you are free to enjoy yourself without the anxiety inducing questions about where your relationship is going and the fear of getting hurt.

But is it really right for everyone? In short, the answer is no. When it comes to relationships, there isn’t any particular strategy that’s one size fits all. But, the real question is, will it work for you?

Here are some signs that it may…

You Have Mutual Trust and Respect

I cannot stress how important this is. You want to deal with someone who can be trusted to keep the details of your relationship to themselves. People are more inclined to divulge all the juicy details about their sexual trysts with people they aren’t in a committed relationship with. It’s important that you find a buddy that can be both mature and discreet. The bottom line is you don’t want to feel like you’re just an entertaining story for their friends.

More importantly, you want to trust that they are on the same page with you when it comes to your sexual health. Honestly, this is such a tricky area! It’s easy to get confused, if you’re not in a relationship, is this your problem or a shared responsibility?

Listen, whether you’re in a relationship or not, your health is always your problem. However, you want to be with a partner that’s in agreement with your chosen method of protection or contraception. What you’re looking for in an ideal FWB is a shared accountability if something does come up, which is why friendship is really one of the key ingredients to making this kind of relationship work. Ultimately though, you are responsible for taking care of yourself, but communication on how you will safeguard one another is key.

You Found A Partner You Can Communicate With

Obviously, this requires trust and honesty, but to really move things along smoothly and avoid spoiling the fun, you need to discuss how you’re going to communicate your concerns and fantasies. Laying the groundwork for how you’re going to communicate on key topics can spare you some awkward moments later. The objective is finding a method that will be effective and protect the other person’s ego as much as possible. Let’s be honest, nothing kills the mood faster than insecurity, so constructive criticism requires a delicate hand. The best way to ensure you’re using the best approach is to ask them directly what they prefer.

You’re Sexually Compatible

Honestly, there’s no point of having a friend with benefits if you’re not getting the full benefits. Sexual compatibility means that you are not only both into the same kinds of things but are also willing to compromise to meet one another needs. It’s really important that you and your partner are willing to learn and explore with one another. In a good casual sexual relationship, neither one of you will feel like a prop and the satisfaction is mutual.

You Want The Same Thing

This may seem obvious, but that’s not always the case. For some, a casual relationship is a consolation prize, not necessarily what they want. This can make the waters murky as you move forward. If you’re going into this type of relationship for any reason other than the face value (friends with benefits) then you’re going to be disappointed.

Avoid getting into this type of relationship if the following apply:

  1. This is a consolation prize because one of you doesn’t actually want to be in the relationship with the other person.

  2. One of you are already in a relationship.

  3. You’ve been friends for a long time, and you don’t want to risk the relationship.

  4. It’s going to keep you from finding a committed relationship if that’s what you want.

Pricilla Martinez